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One of the most underrated Roman poets was a fellow
named Scrofulus Naso, whose dates are unknown because none of his works has
survived. We do know, however, that he wrote erotic masterpieces after
getting corked on Asti Spumante and sequestering himself in the Baths of
Caracalla. There, through his wine-red eyes, he would record for poetic posterity the miscreant, illicit
co-minglings of the rich and powerful, who had no idea that Naso was peeking
at them through his poetic lens. Unfortunately, when the monks who later transcribed most
of the Greek and Roman manuscripts saw what Naso was up to, they panted
themselves purple, stamped his manuscript “For Our Eyes Only,” and salted it
away in their vault of porn poems along with the censoriously mangled verses
of Catullus, Sappho and Walt Whitman.
Thanks to the Visigoths, however, a few aphorisms
attributed to Naso have come down to us, and one seems especially appropriate
for our times. Apparently speaking of Nero and his fiddling while Rome
burned, Naso remarked that “the epitome of irony occurs when powerful people
who should know better do and say stupid stuff.” And so it is. A contemporary case in point is that of Jay Harrison, a
James City Supervisor who has been charged with assaulting Victoria Butler.
Butler, who runs a local basketball league, claimed that Harrison yelled and
thrust a piece of paper at her, causing her head to go backward when it hit
her in the nose. In other words, it’s the old paper assault on the nose
trick, for which Harrison could get 12 months in the poky and a fine of $2500. Now this has to be a blow to Harrison, who at one point
looked down at his sleeve, found religion there and requested that all
meetings of the Board of Supervisors begin with a prayer. On the other hand, Harrison does have his stalwart
supporters, and some of them, despite Butler’s nose, are women. Indeed, on March 11, Harrison was invited
to speak before the ever-active Jamestown Council of Republican Women. And
this is where Naso comes in, because Harrison, who would later be charged
with nasal assault, chose as his topic: “It’s Worth Fighting For.” Another case of hoof-in-mouth disease involves Attorney
General Jerry Kilgore. He recently decided to abandon his legal duties
and deliver himself of various light
bulbs relative to the budget mess in Richmond. Siding with the gnomes in the
House of Delegates, Kilgore went wonky over the idea of a public referendum
on tax increases. Let’s ask the people, he crooned, if they would like us to
raise their taxes. If nothing else, the Republicans are known to be rigidly
regimental when it comes to policy issues, but Kilgore’s auto-launch into
matters budgetary was just a bit too much for Sen. Fred Quayle (R-Suffolk),
who fired back at the attorney general and essentially told him to butt out.
“We don’t need Kilgore’s voice to resolve the budget issue,” barked Quayle.
“The last time I read the Virginia Constitution, Virginia’s budget was not listed
among his responsibilities.” Given the fact that Kilgore has clammed up about all
this, we perhaps can assume he
realized, unlike Harrison, that it’s not worth fighting for – and
especially if you’re fighting a fellow Republican. Even more Nasonian, however, are the recent
proclamations of our Virginia State Board of Education. These are the people
who worship the great god SOL. He in turn promises them that if kids can only
pass his tests, they will be optimally educated. Except, perhaps, in
history. Realizing that their US and world history courses are an
unteachable and unlearnable macrocosmic mishmash of muddlemania, the board,
after prayerful consideration, has decided that kids need to know only half
of what they’re supposed to be learning. In short, the board’s answer to the
recent lousy performance on the history tests is not a better curriculum, but
lower standards. Now, 51%, which is an abysmally failing grade by any
educational standards, will be considered just fine where history is
concerned. How ironic that the very agency charged with assuring
academic excellence is fostering not higher standards for our students, but
rather the dumbing down of their competency levels. Only in the minds of
these educational eunuchs does utter failure become an acceptable academic
commodity. Finally, from the NY Times comes the report that at a
news conference last Monday, John
Kerry, the cadaverous darling of centrist Democrats in heat over some vague
concept of electability, responded to hostile questions about juggling his
professed Catholicism with his stands on abortion and gay rights. Kerry rather angrily shot back that his covenant with
the Catholic Church was defined by Pope Pius XXIII and Paul VI in Vatican II,
which assures the right of personal
intellectual freedom and choice.
True as this may be, the fact is that there never was a
Pope Pius XXIII. He, like Scrofulus
Naso, never quite made it to the light of day. . |
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lewleadbeater.com Copyright 2002 All Rights Reserved
email: LWL@lewleadbeater.com |
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