Burlesque in Richmond

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				THE
Latest Column				VIRGINIA GAZETTE
				WILLIAMSBURG, VIRGINIA
Burlesque in Richmond				January 25, 2012

I must say that the Republicans have been putting on quite the classy show of late.

It doesn’t get much better than Newt Gingrich’s second wife coming out the day before a debate to inform us that Newt wanted an “open marriage,” which I suppose means that philandering is in and fidelity is out. Or Mitt Romney hemming and hawing about the release of his tax returns. Or Rick Santorum of a sudden becoming the real winner in Iowa. Or Rick Perry, who, like Captain Schettino, abandoned a sinking ship and tripped his way into a lifeboat that would take him home to brush up on that list of government departments he wants to trash. You really can’t make this stuff up.

As if that circus on wheels weren’t enough to tickle our timbers for weeks to come,
the Virginia state legislature convened once again to provide even more grist for the chuckle mill.

To begin with, the big winner of the political lottery this year seems to be Bill Bolling. In case you have no idea who Bill Bolling is, he’s our lieutenant governor.

Why he hasn’t been foremost in your thoughts of late is probably because the lieutenant governor has virtually nothing to do other than sit around and wait for the governor either to resign or cork off, in which case he would take over the reins of government. His only other duty is to break tie votes in the Senate.

Last year the voters decided to make Bolling’s job much more invigorating by electing 20 Democrats and 20 Republicans to the Senate. As a result, the Republicans now claim to rule the Senate because Bolling is a Republican and bound to vote the Republican way whenever tie votes come along. And so he did on Jan. 12, when he voted to rubber stamp a bill giving the GOP majority status.

Thus it would appear that Bolling’s long snooze in Sleepy Hollow is over, and he’s beside himself with anticipation, as he grinds his teeth at the prospects of one tie vote after another and hence the name recognition that will eventually lead him to the governor’s office. Go, Bill.

Over in the House of Delegates, meanwhile, there’s no chance of a tie vote, since the

Republicans own everything, including the keys to the liquor cabinet. Which is fine if you have a sense of humor and can appreciate the comedic nuances of a sledgehammer.

What’s interesting about the ultra-righters in the House is that they always feel they’re lagging behind more culturally elite states, like Alabama and Mississippi, when it comes to dealing with social issues.

Thus this year once again they will introduce the issue of “personhood,” which basically guarantees that whatever results at the instant a man and woman have sex is a person and hence can’t be aborted. I suspect they’ll soon get it into their heads to outpace all the other states and declare that every male seed, whether it travels or not, and every female egg, fertilized or not, is a potential person and hence cannot be taken lightly or used for selfish entertainment. That would cover all the Levitican bases.

Also in the keeping-up-with-the-Joneses category are bills in the House and Senate that would require every voter to have an official voter ID. Here the obvious intent is to put an unnecessary onus on the elderly, the poor and minorities who have a nasty penchant for voting Democratic.

The notion that it would prevent voter fraud is completely bogus, since virtually no voter fraud has been uncovered in this or any other state where the law has been enacted.

Nevertheless, down comes the sledgehammer on Aunt Maudie because she owns her home and gave up driving years ago.

So yes, the political burlesque show is on again, and the stage is crammed with actors whose sense of civic duty is trumped by a script of intense ideology in every scene. Enjoy the show.