My trouble with school

lewleadbeater.com

notes from the edge

Home

Email Me

				THE
Column Archive				VIRGINIA GAZETTE
				WILLIAMSBURG, VIRGINIA
My trouble with school				May 9, 2009

Hello.

My name is Jimmy Newby and Lew Leadbeater asked me to do his collum for him this week cuz he locked himself in his celler with some guys named Samuel Adams. Lew sez he isnt coming out til president O’Bamma sez that the pig flu pandimick is over and its safe to breath other peoples air again.

My Dad didn’t vote for Barrack O’Bamma but he has a pig that doesn’t have the flu. We know this cuz we took him to the vet to have him sprayed and the vet said that he doesnt have the flu. My Dad voted for John MacCane cuz he liked Sara Paling cuz she shoots turkies from a plane. Our pigs’ name was Hector but after the vet took off his udders we call him Elsie. (LOL)

Anyway, Lew asked me to write about this big church picnic I’m going to. They cook up all this food and stuff to make money for the church. I go to them every year cuz I really like hamburgers, beans and fried fish, but my Dad won’t go cuz he sez the beans give him gas and then even Elsie don’t want to be anywhere near him.

Last year we had a fire in our attick. We don’t know what caused the fire in the attick except that thats where my Dad goes every time he gets the gas. My Mom takes beans to the church picnic every time cuz she knows better than to cook beans at home and maybe start another fire.

I like most kinds of fish and my Dad and I do a lot of fishing in the Chicklyhomilly River when the herring is running. We like them cuz you don’t have to use any bate or anything cuz you can just skoop them up with a net and then my Mom pan frys them with Cold Slaw that she’s sturd up with lots of mayo and Mandrin Oranges. She never bakes beans cuz of you know what.

But I haven’t done much fishing this year cuz I’m supposed to graduate high school and right now my grades are pretty grewsome so I really have to study hard. My English teacher Mr. Bork really has it in for me and sez that theres a difference between texting and writing coheerant sentences, whatever that means. I never had trouble writing before Mr. Bork so I don’t know why he’s on my back but he is.

I hope Mr. Bork goes to the church picnic and eats lots of my Mom’s beans and starts a fire somewhere where the fire trucks can’t get to. (LOL).

And I’m failing Latin. I don’t know why I took Latin but Billy Burkowitz said it was a cool easy corse, so I took it. My teacher Mz. Bunkberger is an old lady in her 40s who hates boys except for Billy Burkowitz cuz he studies all the time. But she talks about stuff like the subjunktive and indireckt discorse and the plooperfick tense and what normal person ever heard of that stuff before? She might as well be teaching a forin langwage.

The only good thing about Latin is that’s where I met Charlene Dinsmeyer, my new girlfriend. She’s pretty good in Latin so that’s where I get most of my homework except that yesterday she really got me messed up cuz she didn’t understand what a porpoise clause was with the subjunktive and I failed the pop quiz. But she likes pigs which is another good reason for Elsie not to have the flu.

So I think I’ll take Charlene to the picnic, cuz she likes fried fish and hamburgers too. She also said that she thinks one of the guys who brings the fish is really cute so I’ll have to keep an eye on her if she sez she’s going off to inspeck his trout. I don’t want to catch her asking some fisherman to show her how to hold a pole. (LOL)

But like I said, this should be a good picnic cuz the church needs lots of money to save soles and help needy families. I know all about that cuz my Dad wont let me drive cuz I failed my drivers test and wiped out our mailbox last month. And guess who has to pay for that?

So maybe I’ll see you there. And if you go be sure to try my Mom’s beans. They’ve got a secret ingreediant thats garanteed to send you to the attick. (LOL)