German lesson

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				THE
Column Archive				VIRGINIA GAZETTE
				WILLIAMSBURG, VIRGINIA
German lesson				June 10, 2006

Cheers to the people who run the National Spelling Bee for encouraging young people to participate in the fine art of morphology. Jeers to the same people for foisting on us the idea that German is now the lingua franca of these United States.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a deep regard for German. It’s one of the most expressive, if not humorous, languages around these days. What other language could turn a pencil sharpener into a Bleistiftspitzmaschine? Or nihilism into a Weltvernichtungsidee? But when some spelling bee moderator asks a 12-year-old kid to summon up the correct spelling of Ursprache or Weltschmerz you have to wonder what’s going on.

Given the prevalence of Dummkopfery in Congress these days and the insistence of our legislative Dummlings that English be declared the national language, we probably should know something about the origins of our mother tongue. But when was the last time you heard your child’s English teacher talk about Ursprache?

Or when was the last time you casually told an overly pessimistic friend that his condition was bordering on Weltschmerz? While the in-crowd of psychobabblers might toss the word about amongst themselves, is it really fair to expect a child in a spelling bee to come up with a German word that has only tangentially worked its way into English jargon? That is schadenfreude at its worst, and the bee officials who come up with such words should be blitzkrieged into linguistic oblivion.

Cheers likewise to Clyde Haulman for sticking it to the School Board’s Bund of four and for his inspired proposal that the city say auf Wiedersehen to the educational entanglements it shares with the county. Jeers to the School Board for once again botching an issue of utmost importance with its gutless approach to redistricting. Relying on taskforces, a series of citizen votes and a Chinese menu of maps, the School Board wriggled out from under the weight of responsibility it should have taken to itself. As a result, it now finds itself writhing with a proposal more twisted and convoluted than all the snakes of Medusa.

As for Haulman’s proposal, what seems to be missing or forgotten is that one of the finest schools in this part of the state is located in Williamsburg. Why not take the money that the city is forking over to the existing confederation with the county, stick it in a cryptex and take it up to the good sisters of Walsingham Academy? Promise to expand their operation if they’ll take and teach the city’s public school kids.

In a nod to the disastrous popularity of “The Da Vinci Code,” the city might agree to infiltrate and roust all the local cells of Opus Dei and encourage local churches to expunge Mary Magdalene qua grail and consort of Jesus from their Sunday School lessons. They might even recruit some hot-shot fine arts student at the college to tinker with “The Last Supper,” so that Magdalene looks more like a man. Relative to free lunches, the city will agree to pay for and serve the Da Vinci Code diet: apple salads with vinaigrette sauce. Gesundheit!

Finally, cheers to the Democrats for coming up with candidates to oppose Rep. Jo Ann Davis (R-1^st) and Sen. George Allen in the November elections. Jeers to the Democrats for unearthing two Republican lites to run against the uber Republican senator.

As could have been predicted, Harris Miller in a slew of mailings is spanking Jim Webb’s retrospectively Republican tush and stinging him with palsy-walsy pics that highlight his belief that Ronald Reagan was the reincarnation of Nietzsche’s Ubermensch. “Ronald Reagan was a really fine president on the issues that I cared about,” says Webb on Miller’s latest flier. “I may change parties, but I don’t change positions on the issues.”

What you won’t find on Miller’s mailings is any mention of his own fishing expeditions in Republican waters or that, in a shifty wink at bipartisanship, he has baited his hook with wads of cash in the hopes luring GOP bigwigs like Dennis Hastert to his line. Nor, say the Webbsters, will Miller mention the fact that he’s a lobbyist who favors the outsourcing of jobs and Bush’s tax cuts. Where he stands on the war in Iraq is anyone’s guess, since Miller refuses to discuss it openly.

In their first debate, Webb clearly proved himself more capable in the area of duologic discussion. He far outstripped Miller’s cliches and certainly would be a formidable foe if pitted against Allen’s twangy repartee. And he has moved to the left in terms of his views on Iraq, gay rights and other social issues important to Democrats.

On the other hand, given the Republican penchant for ad hominem attacks and personal muckraking in political campaigns, one is left with the conclusion that Allen and his personal Swift Boaters will have a field day with either of these Democratic candidates. Miller’s campaign against Webb is only a benign sample of what Allen and his henchmen will let loose when things begin to get serious.

Thus it goes in the Sturm und Drang world of cheers and jeers. So, bring on the Weltschmerz. If Richard Wagner is right, all the gods and their Ursprache are kaput anyway.